afobi | The Aromantic Perspective

Soundtrack to this text: “Complicated” by Miss Li
My Aspec List
You wanna get to know me 
And that's great, there's much to tell 
Not much about me makes sense without it 
so I want to help and explain 
I came prepared just not sure where to start
since most people seem to not have a clue 
It's not a well represented identity 
Maybe you should bring a pen and write it down
Because I've made a list and here it goes 

1: Asexuality and aromanticism are two queer identities  
2: They're not the same thing but some people are both 
3: Have you ever heard about SAM (Split Attraction Model)?
4: and yeah, having low libido is not always the same as asexuality  
5: Aces and aros don't need to be fixed and they're a valid part of lgbtq 

I'm just getting started, but already feeling doubt
What if this list is too long and you're gonna hate it?
I'm starting to realise it wasn't easy
to put everything into words and I haven't even
started to try and spell out the word 'amatonormativity'
It's getting really complicated... 

I should've known, 
warnings came from the community
Aspecs are a group who often can't cope
to even come out to friends and family
When you don't see your identity represented
in media in a positive light or at all 
you experience erasure and invisibility 
The pressure of having to explain yourself 
can be heavy even when questions are well meant  
In some queer spaces gatekeeping can be a reality 
A fellow aroace friend gives me their pieces of advice
”Don't end up becoming a talking dictionary” 
But awareness feels necessary 
and I can't stop myself so here it goes...  

6: It's common to not know about your aromanticism or asexuality 
after years and years of your life feeling broken and like a failure  
7: Without having ways of communicating your needs and boundaries to partners
aces risk hurting both themselves and the ones they love 
8: Aros face risks of isolation and even if there are supportive online forums 
it's nice to be included in your local queer community 
9: Did I mention these orientations aren't valid according to Swedish law? 
10: These things can of course affect your mental health and stability   

But who am I, to speak of all this with you? 
I'm far from an expert of lgbtq
And frankly I'm just a bloody mess
I'm sure you've already had enough of me 
I'm not used to talking about this, I'm full of insecurities
Before I did my research this is what I said to myself:
”My God, what is wrong with me? 
I'm just so f*cking complicated...!” 

I know this is a lot to ask 
when so many others aren't included 
For example in the church and the rest of society 
But don't forget labels overlap: 
many gay and trans folks are aspec, too
So for all of them, I can't be asked to stop
the list continues and here it goes:

11: Trans and non-binary aspecs want to be included with their whole identity
12: Don't say demis are just normal instead listen to their own stories 
13: Young aspecs are heroes on TikTok, YouTube, Instagram, Tumblr, every app 
providing free info – you just have to go online and search for it... 

In fact, I've been there learning myself and not just 
about what I now recognize as my own identity 
I try to get my hands on good queer rep 
reading books about different parts of the lgtbq 
non-binary biographies, gay fiction, articles about pansexuality... 
I'd hate if anyone would think it a problem to come out to me
feeling nervous and scared of being ”too complicated”